While watching Mr. Rickman's movies over the years, I've noticed an interesting trend: the older Alan gets, the younger his romantic mates get. And, what's more, there seems to be a correlation between Alan's age, the quality of Alan and his mates' relationship, and the scandalousness of the movie. Coincidence? I don't think so. I've conjured up a rough equation that explains this phenomenon. Please, sit back and enjoy, and be careful not to let your brain explode. (Warning! Spoilers of Closet Land, Truly Madly Deeply, Mesmer, Dark Harbor, Sense And Sensibility, and An Awfully Big Adventure ahead!) The Variables
The Leading Mates Equation
(Quality of relationship and scandalousness of movie are calculated on a - 10 to + 10 scale.) Let's start with Closet Land (1991), the first movie in which Alan's character gets a decent mate. Interrogator's age = undisclosed, but Alan was 45 at the time
So now… 45 = 30 + (- 5 + 10) x 3 = 30 + (5 x 3) = 30 + 15 = 45 Nice. Now… onto the next movie, which was Truly Madly Deeply (1991). Alan's age = 45
And, once again, the problem proves itself… 45 = 30 + (10 + - 5) x 3 = 30 + (5 x 3) =30 + 15 = 45 Tada! Okay, next movie! Here, in Mesmer (1994), we can see the Leading Mates Equation at full effect. Alan's age = 48
48 = 27 + (0 + 7) x 3 = 27 + (7 x 3) = 27 + 21 = 48 Interesting… Onto the next one… Awfully Big Adventure (1995). This movie surpasses even the expectations of the Leading Mates Equation. Instead of calculating A in years, we now have to calculate A in months. Alan's age = 49
49 = 20 + (- 10 + 19.66) x 3 = 20 + (9.66 x 3) = 20 + 29 = 49 Astounding! Next was Sense and Sensibility (1996). Alan's age = 50
50 = 19 + (8 + 2.33) x 3 = 19 + (10.33 x 3) = 19 + 31 = 50 I'm speechless! Yes, this can keep going. And now… Dark Harbor (1998)! This calculates David Weinberg and Young Man's relationship. Alan's age = 52
52 = 17 + (2.66 + 9) x 3 = 17 + (11.66 x 3) = 17 + 35 = 52 Folks, you have just witnessed a miracle. Can the Equation keep going? Well… current trends indicate a negative. After Dark Harbor Mr. Rickman did no more romantic movies in which he got involved with someone he wasn't already involved with. (Case in point: Love Actually. Harry never fell for his young secretary. Alas.) |