Ah, the obligatory obsession page that seems to be on every Alan Rickman fanpage. Well, I got one too! Any contributions? Email them to me here. Anyway, you know you're obsessed with Alan Rickman when...
1. You try to act and dress like Snape, even though you're a girl.
2. Every time you start to type a word beginning with A or R, you accidentally type Alan or Rickman.
3. Spoons hold a special meaning for you.
4. All of your conversations manage to find their way to the topic of Alan.
5. You buy Die Hard 3 for the sole reason of owning a two second archive footage of Alan falling off of the building.
6. It's not enough to run one webpage dedicated to Alan Rickman. You must have at least three.
7. Alan's fanmail agency has a special file folder labelled with your name.
8. You spend more money on buying Alan birthday presents than you spend on your friend's birthdays.
9. Your friends all look at you whenever Alan Rickman is mentioned.
10. You buy a season pass to Magic Mountain and spend all day standing next to the roller coasters in hopes of seeing Alan drop by.
11. You have named all of your pets Snape, Hans, Nottingham, Metatron, or other Alan Rickman related names.
12. You buy pets in order to name them Snape, Hans, or Nottingham.
13. You read the Alan Rickman biography, and don't learn anything new.
14. Rima has to call you up whenever she needs to know something about her manfriend.
15. Your idea of a nighttime lullaby is listening to Alan Rickman narrate "The Return Of The Native."
16. You read through the Alan Rickman filmography, even though you know you've got it fully memorized.
17. According to you, Die Hard and Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves were tragedies.
18. You want to get into Alan's pants, even though you know he's technically old enough to be your grandfather.
19. You have actually attempted some moves off of the Ways To Get Alan To Notice You page.
20. You've read through the Alan Versus God page and agree with it wholeheartedly.
21. Your personal homepage has more pictures and information about Alan Rickman than you.
22. Instead of decorating your school binder with Alan Rickman pictures, you decide to decorate the school with Alan Rickman pictures.
23. You paste an Alan Rickman picture to the ceiling above your bed so that's he's the last person you see when you go to sleep and first person to see when you wake up.
24. Your movie collection is categorized into Alan Rickman movies, movies of actors who have co-starred with Alan, and movies influenced by Alan.
25. You are constantly mesmerized by Alan.
26. You've read the above statement and actually get what I'm talking about.
27. You spend upwards of a hundred and fifty bucks for the Beckett On Film DVD set, featuring a fifteen minute clip of Alan encrused with rusty green makeup and sitting in a funeral urn.
28. People ask you, "Do you like Alan Rickman?" and you're too choked up with emotion to say anything.
29. You can view a map of the world and correctly identify which Alan movies were filmed in which cities.
30. You declare February 21 a national holiday.
31. You find that your daily speech consists of more than fifty percent Alan Rickman movie quotes.
32. You measure time by the dates of Alan movie premieres.
33. You surf through the list of Alan movies on Amazon.com, even though you've already bought all of them.
34. You know more about Snape than JK Rowling does.
35. You buy an extra DVD player, just so it can play on loop that special scene from Dark Harbor.
36. You see copies of Truly Madly Deeply at the video store and you get all flustered, even though you already own three copies of that movie at home.
37. You attend Applied Microeconomics classes at Kingston University just so Rima Horton can be your teacher, and you can suck up to her for the purpose of getting close to her manfriend.
38. You find out that Ms. Horton retired July 2002, and yet you decide to take Applied Econ at Kingston anyway.
39. You read lists like this one and wonder how in the world the Webmistress got a hold of your daily schedule.
40. People ask you who the king of England is, and you say, "Alan Rickman."
41. People ask you who the wealthiest person in the world is, and you say, "Rima Horton."
42. People ask you to name one person off of the FBI's most wanted criminal list, and you say, "Kevin Costner."
43. You buy yards of velvet and rustle it around to hear if it really sounds like Alan Rickman.
44. You officially change your birthdate so that your astrology sign will be more compatible with Alan's Pisces.
45. You ditch your education and job, and move to London to become a mailman on Alan's street.
46. Your friends begin talking about Harry, Hermione and Ron, and you ask them, "Wait, who are they again and are you sure they were in that movie Severus Snape And The Sorcerer's Stone?"
47. You buy a whole bunch of airbags and pad them around the bottoms of tall buildings, so that if Hans Gruber falls down one of them, he wouldn't have to die.
48. Your friends refuse to take you to showings of Love Actually, for fear you might throw yourself at the screen and shout, "The necklace is mine, bitch! The necklace is mine!"
49. You make your hair look like black wires, eat garlic to make your breath stinky, speak in an annoying voice, and plod heavily when you walk, so that whenever Alan recites Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, you know that he's referring to you.
50. You spend more money on stationary, stamps, and other necessities for fanmail than you do on food.
51. You have bartered out half of the CDs in your CD collection to buy Charlie Dore's Things Change, just so you can hear thirty seconds of Alan Rickman listing out various types of dances.
52. It's not enough to succeed in meeting Alan Rickman outside of the stage door. Others must fail. (My, posessive, aren't we?)
53. Bruce Willis has a restraining order on you, because you tried to kill him too many times.
54. Your first words in this world were, "I'll cut your heart out with a spoon!"
55. You actually know what I'm talking about when I mention Blind Corner, Wetherby, Bodas De Sangre, and Eco-Challenge Argentina.
56. You can list by name more than four music CDs (yes, that's right, four music compact discs) that feature Alan Rickman.
57. You actually own all of the aforementioned CDs. (These being the Help! I'm A Fish sountrack, Texas' In Demand UK single Part 1, Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells 2, and Charlie Dore's Things Change. Am I missing any? Edit: Apparently I am! Fellow Rickmaniac Stacey points out that Alan's also in RADA's When Love Speaks, and Victoria Wood's CD, Victoria Wood Encore.)
58. You nearly die of shock whenever you hear people say, "Who's Alan Rickman?"
59. You nearly die of happiness whenever you hear people say, "Who's Alan Rickman?" because that means less people know about him, and you have less competition to fight against.
60. Your idea of recreation is polishing your Alan Rickman movie DVD and VHS cases.
61. Files folders in your computer include names like, "Diving Scene Screencaps Backup Set Number 5," "Photos Of Snape Action Figure," and "Alan Interviews Dec. 1989 - Jan. 1990."
62. You have a perpetual scar across your cheek, because you think it's cool to look like the Sheriff of Nottingham.
63. Every night you listessly play half of a Bach duet on the piano, in hopes that Jamie will magically appear at your side with his cello.
64. You learn to play the piano in order to accomplish the above.
65. You can accurately draw from memory a picture of Alan's crooked lower teeth.
66. You pride yourself on the fact that you can draw from memory a picture of Alan's crooked lower teeth.
67. You can correctly identify an Alan movie by the fonts used in the opening credits.
68. You can recite whole Alan movies, word for word, from memory. Backwards.
69. Friends mention the name of any celebrity, and you're able to instantly connect that person to Alan Rickman. ("Missy Elliot? Isn't she the rapper who did a song for the movie Moulin Rouge, which starred Ewan McGregor, who was in Down With Love with Rene Zellwegger, who was in Bridget Jones' Diary with Colin Firth, who was in Love Actually with Alan Rickman?")
70. You are not able to accomplish the above, because you've only seen Alan Rickman movies, and movies like Moulin Rouge, which does not star your man, are below your radar.
71. Your Internet gets disconnected, but you can still access all of the Alan Rickman fansites offline.
72. You are the author of over fifty percent of all Alan fansites on the web.
73. Other fans boast they can recite Alan Rickman's filmography, but you only laugh in their face, because you believe such knowledge is like water and air, and saying you can recite Alan's filmography is like saying you can recite the alphabet.
74. Alan's bedroom window has an imprint of your face on it, because every evening you press your face to the window to watch him sleep. (Okay, that's just creepy.)
75. Alan has used up a whole Sharpie signing autographs for you.
76. You have enough Alan autographs to wallpaper up your room.
77. You read lists like these and get depressed, because you haven't done two or three of these things, and you feel unworthy of being a fan.
78. For your Potions, I mean, Chemistry teacher's birthday, you buy him plastic surgery so that he can look like Professor Snape. If your Chem teacher is a woman, you buy her a sex change along with the plastic surgery.
79. You learn how to tango just in case one day you and Alan should be at the same social function where there is dancing. (Contributed by S_k. Thanks!)
80. You hand out pics of Alan to your female colleagues in order to convert them to him. (Numbers 80 to 84 are contributed by Simone! And they are based on her experiences too! Thanks so much!)
81. You plan "Delaford picnics" with your newly converted colleagues. Your colleagues look puzzled when you're wearing anything else than black.
82. Your colleagues grin knowingly when you say you're off to the cellar.
83. Your hairdresser knows that you want your hair dyed "as black as Severus's". While your hairdresser is putting on the color, you fantasize that it's Phil Allen doing your hair.
84. Your friends have lists of words that you associate with Alan, and they try to avoid them so you won't talk about him. You talk about him anyway.
85. You make your own personal Severus Snape bedsheets so it looks like you're with him in bed. (Submitted by Eden! Thanks!)
86. You post pictures of Alan Rickman in your bathroom.
87. Every day you wait forlornly in the Educational Toys section of the local hobby store in hopes that Severus Snape will "run along and play with his chemistry set."
89. You hear Tina Turner's "Simply The Best" and immediately think Alan Rickman. (Contributed by Petra. Thanks!)
90. You are a lesbian but are still in love with Alan and dress up like Snape at Halloween for your middle school students and really, really, get into the part. (Contributed by Miss Houde. Thanks!)
91. You can tell where in the credits Alan Rickman's name comes up simply by hearing the music that overlays the credits.(Contributed by Mystic Song. Thanks!)
92. You've listened to the song "Intelligence" more than 10 times, even though it makes you want to stab your own eardrums out with a dull pencil. Because a true Rickmaniac goes above and beyond obsessed...(Contributed by Dominique. Thanks!)
93. When your friend is surfing the web at her house and you see an ad with a house and words across the bottom that say, "Shop For A Loan," and you literally jump because for a moment you think it says, "Shop For Alan." (Contributed by Satai. Thanks!)
94. When you go out with said friend and you start silently counting the minutes until you can get back home to the computer and come back to "The Slightly Weird Alan Rickman Fansite For Slightly Weird Fans." (Contributed by Satai. I'm glad the site is such a positive influence on your social life! Woot!)
95. You download Marvin The Robot (Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) screensaver. Just to hear Alan telling you how depressed he is and that you can't make him feel better. Then start thinking about how you could make him feel better. (Contributed by Simone. Thanks!)
96. You start dating a random guy named Alan just so you can say that name to someone who's kissed you before. (Contributed by Snapie666. Thanks!)
97. You send an email to Rima using your Political Science Major to ask her questions, only hoping that the two of you will hit it off and next time you're in London you get to have dinner with her and Alan. (Contributed by Alan Rocks My Socks. Thanks!)